Difficult conversations: what to say
For the conversations people put off: one page each with the first sentence, three scripts, the usual replies and a way to prepare your own.
Conversations
- How to break up with someone nicely: what to say when you have decidedSay the decision in your first or second sentence, say it as your decision rather than a verdict on them, and then listen instead of defending it.
- How to talk to your partner about chores without it turning into a fightTalk about one concrete week instead of "always", say how it leaves you, and ask for a task that is fully theirs — not for more "help".
- How to tell your boss you're overwhelmed, professionally and without apologisingPut the work on the table, not just your exhaustion, say what will not fit, and ask for a decision on priorities — that decision belongs to your manager, not to you alone.
- How to tell your roommate to clean without souring the flatTalk about one concrete thing — the bathroom, the kitchen, this week's rota — rather than about them, and ask for something that can be checked by a set day.
- How to tell your roommate to be quiet without starting a cold warName the night and the time, say what the noise does to you, and suggest an agreement on quiet hours instead of asking for vague "consideration".
- How to tell a friend they hurt you without risking the friendshipName the one moment that hurt, say how it landed with you, and ask what they meant — before you decide what you need from them.
- Rosenberg's four steps: examples for everyday conflictsSay what happened as a camera would have seen it, how it leaves you, what matters to you, and one concrete thing you would like — in that order, in your own words.
- How to apologise sincerely: what to say when you got it wrongName exactly what you did, say that you regret it, leave out the "but", and ask what would help now — then listen without defending yourself.
- How to say no politely, without guilt or a long excuseSay the no early and kindly, give one honest reason if you like, and offer an alternative only if you mean it — a clear no is more respectful than a yes you will resent.
- How to set boundaries: what to say to family, a partner or at workName the specific behaviour, say what you need, and say what you will do — a boundary describes your own action, not a rule the other person has to obey.
- How to respond to passive-aggressive comments without playing alongRespond to the words, not to the tone you suspect: repeat what was said, ask calmly what they meant, and invite them to say it directly.
- What to say when you get the silent treatmentSay once, calmly, that you notice the silence and are ready to talk, ask when they will be ready, and then stop chasing — and if silence is used to punish you, that is not something you can talk your way out of.
Worksheets
- I statements: a practice worksheet with answersPractise I statements: a printable worksheet with three exercises and an answer key, from you-message to I statement. For adults, teens and classrooms.
- Feelings and needs: a printable list with a worksheetA printable feelings and needs list, the words that only sound like feelings, and a short worksheet with answers for preparing a difficult conversation.