Conflict Simulator

Difficult conversations

I statements: a practice worksheet with answers

In short

An I statement says what happened, how it leaves you and what you would like — without judging the other person. These three exercises, with answers at the end, let you practise exactly that.

By Taro Turtle ·

The worksheet is written for adults and works from about age twelve. Print the page or work through it on screen. The answers are at the end; on paper they start on a new page.

There is no single right answer. The answers show one way to do it, so you can check your own: Could a camera confirm the observation? Is there a real feeling in it? Can the request be met and checked?

Couples can do the exercises together: each person works alone first, then you compare answers. In counselling or a classroom, Exercise 3 works well as a pair task, with one person reading the you-message and the other answering with an I statement.

How to build an I statement

  1. Observation: What happened? Only what a camera would have recorded, without "always", "never" or "constantly".
  2. Feeling: How does it leave you? A feeling word in the first person: "I feel disappointed", not "You disappoint me".
  3. Need: What matters to you here? For example reliability, rest, respect.
  4. Request: What exactly should happen? Positive, doable, and clear enough that both of you can tell afterwards whether it happened.

Exercise 1: Observation or evaluation?

For each sentence, decide: is it an observation or an evaluation? Rewrite each evaluation as an observation.

  1. You are completely unreliable.
  2. You didn't reply to my message yesterday.
  3. You never listen to me.
  4. The meeting started twenty minutes later than planned.
  5. You're doing this on purpose to annoy me.

Exercise 2: Real feeling or hidden judgement?

Some sentences start with "I feel" and are still a judgement about the other person. Find the real feeling underneath.

  1. I feel ignored.
  2. I feel like you don't take me seriously.
  3. I feel disappointed.
  4. I feel used.
  5. I feel worried.

Exercise 3: From you-message to I statement

Rewrite each you-message as a full I statement: observation, feeling, need, request.

  1. You leave your stuff everywhere!
  2. You're always late!
  3. You keep interrupting me!
  4. You don't care how I feel!
  5. You never do the dishes!
  6. You only ever think about yourself!

Answers

Exercise 1: Observation or evaluation?

  1. Evaluation. Observation: "We said seven; you arrived at half past."
  2. Observation. It can be checked and it does not judge.
  3. Evaluation (a generalisation). Observation: "When I was telling you about my appointment just now, you were looking at your phone."
  4. Observation.
  5. Evaluation (an assumed intention). Intentions cannot be observed; leave it out and describe what happened.

Exercise 2: Real feeling or hidden judgement?

  1. Hidden judgement ("you ignored me"). Underneath, perhaps: hurt, sad, angry.
  2. A thought, not a feeling. Underneath, perhaps: unsure, hurt.
  3. A real feeling.
  4. Hidden judgement. Underneath, perhaps: exhausted, frustrated, angry.
  5. A real feeling.

Exercise 3: From you-message to I statement

  1. "Your coat and shoes have been in the hall since yesterday. I feel annoyed, because I need the entrance clear. Could you put them away today?"
  2. "We said seven, and you arrived at half past. I felt disappointed, because reliability matters to me. Next time, would you text me if you're running late?"
  3. "While I was explaining my point, I was interrupted twice. I feel frustrated, because I want to finish my thought. Please let me finish, then reply."
  4. "I messaged you on Monday that I was struggling, and I haven't heard back. I feel sad, because being close to you matters to me. Could you call me this evening?"
  5. "The dishes from Saturday are still in the sink. I feel annoyed, because I would like to cook in a clean kitchen. Would you wash them before dinner?"
  6. "You booked the weekend away without asking me. I felt hurt, because having a say matters to me. Next time, could we decide together before anything is booked?"

Try it on your own sentence

Write the first sentence you would say. The simulator’s rules read along and show which words put the other person on the defensive.

No sentence yet. The flagged words and the question to ask yourself appear here.

Prepare the whole conversation

Three steps, your sentence comes along. No account, nothing stored.

Rehearse it on Telegram or rehearse in the browser

Frequently asked questions

What is an I statement?

A sentence that describes what you noticed, how it leaves you and what you would like, instead of judging the other person. The term goes back to the psychologist Thomas Gordon and his book Parent Effectiveness Training (1970).

What is the difference between an I statement and a you-message?

A you-message says something about the other person ("You are unreliable"); an I statement says something about your own observation and feeling ("I was disappointed when you did not come"). You-messages tend to trigger defence.

Is starting a sentence with "I" enough?

No. "I think you are inconsiderate" starts with "I" and is still a judgement. What counts is a real feeling and an observation that can be checked.

Is there a PDF version of the worksheet?

Use your browser's print function to print the page or save it as a PDF. Navigation and buttons are hidden, and the answers start on a new page.

Can I use this I statements worksheet with kids?

The sentences are written for adults and teens, and work from about age twelve. With younger children, use only the simple frame "I feel … when … . I would like … ." and examples from their day, such as a toy taken away or being interrupted.

Is the worksheet suitable for teens and couples?

Yes. Teens usually find Exercise 2 the most useful, because "I feel like you…" sentences are so common. Couples get the most out of Exercise 3 when each partner rewrites a you-message they actually say at home.

How do I practise I statements in everyday life?

Start with small, low-stakes moments: a late bus, a borrowed charger, a colleague who forgot to reply. Say one I statement a day and notice how the other person reacts. Practising on easy situations makes it available when a hard one comes.

The four steps of observation, feeling, need and request are based on the work of Dr. Marshall Rosenberg and the Center for Nonviolent Communication (cnvc.org). This site is not run by a CNVC-certified trainer.

© Taro Turtle, conflict-simulator.com · Licence: CC BY-SA 4.0