Feelings and needs: a printable list with a worksheet
In short
Feelings say how you are; needs say what matters to you underneath. This list helps you name both more precisely, and the worksheet helps you spot judgements dressed up as feelings.
In a difficult conversation the words that would make it easier are often the ones missing. "I'm angry" may be true, but underneath there is sometimes disappointment or worry. And behind the irritation about the dishwasher there may be a wish for reliability.
The list is a tool, not a test. Read it before you prepare a conversation and mark the words that fit.
The separation of feelings, needs and judgements that only sound like feelings comes from Nonviolent Communication (NVC) as described by Marshall B. Rosenberg. This page is a short working selection for everyday conflicts, not a complete inventory; it is meant to be printed, marked up and used.
How to use the list
- Think of the situation and read the feelings slowly. Which words make something in you react?
- For each of those feelings ask: what matters to me here, what is missing? Look for the need in the second list.
- Check the words you wrote down first against the third list: is it a feeling, or a judgement about the other person?
- Make one sentence of it: "I feel …, because … matters to me."
Feelings
When something is missing
- disappointed
- sad
- hurt
- angry
- annoyed
- frustrated
- exhausted
- overwhelmed
- worried
- unsure
- scared
- helpless
- lonely
- embarrassed
- at a loss
- impatient
- tense
- confused
When things are right
- relieved
- grateful
- calm
- glad
- hopeful
- curious
- moved
- relaxed
- connected
- proud
- at ease
- motivated
Needs
With others
- reliability
- respect
- closeness
- recognition
- trust
- honesty
- belonging
- being seen
For yourself
- rest
- space
- recovery
- safety
- autonomy
- clarity
- direction
Doing things together
- fairness
- a say
- support
- order
- agreements that hold
- meaning
Sounds like a feeling, is a judgement
These words say more about what the other person did than about how you are. They are not forbidden, but they invite defence. Ask yourself: what do I feel underneath?
Judgements in feeling form
- ignored
- used
- misunderstood
- let down
- not taken seriously
- attacked
- manipulated
- rejected
- patronised
- betrayed
Worksheet: find the feeling and the need
Read each sentence. Which feeling might lie underneath, and which need? There is more than one right answer.
- My colleague presented my idea in the meeting as his own.
- My roommate played music at three in the morning.
- My partner booked the holiday without asking me.
- My friend cancelled an hour before we were due to meet.
- I feel patronised by my manager.
Worksheet: build the sentence
For each situation, write one sentence following the pattern "I feel …, because … matters to me." Take the words from the lists above.
- For the third time, your brother has not paid back the money he borrowed by the date you agreed.
- Yesterday a colleague helped you with a difficult presentation without being asked.
- Your partner plans the weekend without asking you.
- For weeks you have spent every evening doing things for other people.
Answers
Worksheet: find the feeling and the need
- Feeling: angry, hurt. Need: recognition, fairness.
- Feeling: exhausted, annoyed. Need: rest, recovery.
- Feeling: disappointed, sad. Need: a say, closeness.
- Feeling: disappointed. Need: reliability.
- A judgement in feeling form. Underneath, perhaps: frustrated, unsure. Need: autonomy, trust.
Worksheet: build the sentence
- "I feel disappointed, because reliability matters to me."
- "I feel grateful, because support matters to me."
- "I feel frustrated, because having a say matters to me."
- "I feel exhausted, because rest matters to me."
Try it on your own sentence
Write the first sentence you would say. The simulator’s rules read along and show which words put the other person on the defensive.
No sentence yet. The flagged words and the question to ask yourself appear here.
Three steps, your sentence comes along. No account, nothing stored.
Frequently asked questions
What is the difference between feelings and needs?
A feeling is a reaction: disappointed, relieved, angry. A need is what matters underneath: reliability, rest, respect. Feelings show whether a need is being met right now or not.
Why is "I feel ignored" not a feeling?
Because the sentence mainly describes what the other person did: they ignored you. The real feeling underneath may be hurt or anger. Naming that makes it easier for the other person to listen.
Can I print the list?
Yes. Use your browser's print function to print the page or save it as a PDF. Navigation and buttons are hidden. Use in class is welcome.
What is the difference between a need and a strategy?
A need is general and could be met in many ways: rest, closeness, reliability. A strategy is one specific way of meeting it: "you call me every evening". Conversations get stuck when two strategies clash; they get easier when both people name the need behind them.
Is there a feelings list for kids?
For younger children, a handful of words is enough to start with: happy, sad, angry, scared, tired, proud. Teens can usually work with the full list on this page. The judgement list is especially useful from about age twelve.
How do I find a feeling I can't name?
Many people notice a feeling in the body first: a tight chest, a hot face, a heavy stomach, restless hands. Start there, then read the list slowly and see which word fits that sensation. Guessing is fine; you can correct the word later.
The four steps of observation, feeling, need and request are based on the work of Dr. Marshall Rosenberg and the Center for Nonviolent Communication (cnvc.org). This site is not run by a CNVC-certified trainer.
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